Sunday, October 14, 2007
The Aerobic Mouse
There's a new dance sensation at my house. It's called "The Aerobic Mouse." Here's how it goes:
First, you stand at the kitchen sink stemming apples to put through the juicer. You hear a noise coming from under the fridge, which at first sounds as though it's a vibration caused by the loud garbage truck outside that's throwing trash carts up in the air. Then, you realize that the noise is more of a chewing/gnawing/ nibbling noise. Yeah, definitely not just a vibration.
Next, you dislodge the folded grocery bags that are stuffed between the fridge and the counter, watching for a small scurrying creature to come running out. When that doesn't happen and the noises (which are definitely chewing noises, you now realize) resume, you kick the front of the drip pan under the fridge. The gnawing stops.
Got all the steps so far? Go ahead and review them if you need.
Now, return to your position at the sink. Continue stemming apples and feeding them into the Jack LaLanne juicer on the counter.
Here's the bit of tricky choreography: Spot a furry flash moving from the direction of the fridge to the bottom of the cupboard next to you, then streaking back to the fridge. In broad daylight. Jump, scream and run into the living room holding a dripping apple.
Good so far?
Hours later--after your significant other has cleared away detritus from around the fridge and set traps--resume your apple juicing activities in the kitchen. It's dark now. Again, stand at the sink and place the apples in the juicer on the counter between the sink and fridge. Glance out of the corner of your eye in time to see the rodent run out on the same path, wave, wink at you about the traps, and run back to the nether recesses under the fridge.
The next day, add a new step: Move the juicer to a new counter so your back is to the fridge and you cannot see the mouse/rat/capybara without turning around. As you feed apples into the juicer, perform a brisk aerobic hop to discourage rodent incursions around your feet. Remind the creature loudly that this is, again, BROAD DAYLIGHT.
Variation: Add loud music to avoid hearing a trap spring.